Glastonbury Abbey – Town Crier Tales

Hello! I’m back! After a blogging break of a few years, I’ve returned to continue telling stories of my adventures as the Town Crier of Glastonbury. The Covid Pandemic restrictions prevented many gatherings and as a result, jobs for all Town Criers, pretty well dried up. Even when the restrictions were lifted, I have to admit to not venturing out in my regalia immediately. I was worried about being infected by total strangers parking themselves next to me, requesting selfies and possibly infecting me! I have to confess to getting out of the habit of producing blogs. Work pressures have not helped, either! I’m glad to say that things have now changed, and the writing of blogs can start to flow again.

The comment, at the top of the page, or variations thereof, is frequently made by passers-by on hot sunny days when they see me crying on a hot dusty street. When the mercury soars into the 80s or 90s and everyone is wandering around in shorts, T-shirts or vests, busy licking ice creams, those comments come easily to concerned folk as they see this strange gentleman, dressed in a thick, heavy, full-length eighteenth-century Great Coat with double capes, waist-coast, jabot, tights, gloves and wearing a large black hat, shouting for all he’s worth, in the blazing sun.

In full cry!

In the past, I have had people come up to me, very worried about my fluid equilibrium, expressing a willingness to go and buy me bottles of water. But the folks who buy me and proffer half pints of cider from the Crown Hotel, next to the Market Cross…..these are my real heroes!

“This crier “cries” for cider!” [Photo by Kelly Malcolm]

The reason why I do not simply “melt” and flow away can be summed up in a single word: INSULATION. It’s simple physics really. It’s like this: The powerful sun’s rays hit my outer cape and probably heat it quite intensely. But that is where the heat stays!

The “Double Cape”-a boon both in summer and winter!

Below that outer cape is a layer of insulating air and then another cape below that and yet more insulating air underneath. So, I could stand there for hours on end, and I would not get appreciably hot. My head is a different matter. That DOES get hot. A black hat, adorned with black feathers, notoriously absorbs radiant solar energy like a sponge and the temperature below it, simply soars. I’m sure that every time I raise my tricorn and declare “GOD SAVE THE KING!”, there is a mini saline waterfall!

Under such conditions, staying hydrated can be quite a challenge. It’s not easy to carry a lot of water on my person. However, today that was not a problem. I was asked to publicise the “Spirit Fayre” in the Town Hall and the organiser, my good friend Karen, stated in advance that I could have “unlimited drinks (and food) – on the house” for my efforts.

Karen (left), myself and Jacqui (right) outside the Festival

No sooner had I walked into the Town Hall’s refreshment canteen, than a mug of refreshing tea appeared on the counter, hastily prepared by Jaqui, their Head Caterer. They know how to look after their Town Crier!

My next “thermal challenge” will be the Catholic Pilgrimage.

This always takes place in early July, when the Civic Party will have to sit for hours in the Glastonbury Abbey, possibly, in the baking sun.

My Mace-bearer friend Terry and I often joke that for this “gig”, we either; “sit in puddles of sweat or puddles of rain water”. Wish me luck!

Since moving to Glastonbury in 1980, I’ve always enjoyed my visits to the Glastonbury Abbey and long before I became Town Crier of this lovely town. Actually, there isn’t a complete Abbey there now, only ruins. After the carnage and mayhem seen here in 1539, presided over by King Henry VIII, clinically referred to in the history books as “The Dissolution”, Glastonbury Abbey was targeted for state robbery and destruction, its last Abbot, Abbot Richard Whiting meeting a most miserable end. He and two others, after sham “trials”, were dragged up the Glastonbury Tor and executed on the top of it. He was later “hung, drawn and quartered”. In November every year, we remember him, usually with a short service on the Tor with the laying of flowers. The last one I attended, as Town Crier, was quite moving.
But the ruins nevertheless have a great appeal to tourists the world over.

The massive grounds are home to quite a lot of wildlife too.

My wife and I have bought yearly membership to the Abbey. We often drop in, sometimes with our grandson, and enjoy the peace and space of this historic location. Guides, in costume, are available to show visitors around.

As happens every year, the Mayor, Town Clerk, Macebearers, Town Councillors and myself are invited to attend two big Pilgrimages.

One is a Roman Catholic Pilgrimage the other, an Anglican one. Sometimes they occur in the same weekend. My parade associates refer to these as “Back-to-back” Pilgrimages! They are significant events in the Glastonbury Calendar and attract thousands of worshippers and spectators. Slow processions through the streets of Glastonbury also take place.

The macebearers and I often share our little joke at these times. At Pilgrimages, we either find ourselves sitting in puddles of rain (usually) or very occasionally, in puddles of sweat (as happened this time, during our exceptionally hot summer!)

But this year, I had two other Town Crier jobs in the Abbey. Firstly, I was contacted by a gentleman called Nico, who wanted me to “cry” at his engagement. His plan was to “pop the question” to his good lady in the grounds of Glastonbury Abbey and then to have the local Town Crier, standing by, to shout out the glad tidings, if she said “Yes”. What an inspired decision, I might add, to utilize the Town Crier!
After the initial contact and explanation had been made, a flurry of secret text messages followed concerning the date, timing, exact location and my “choreography” before crying.

When the big day came, I parked in my usual spot that’s reserved for me when on “Civic Duties”, just behind the Town Hall, which is conveniently next door to the abbey. As I was climbing into my regalia, a lady passed by and said, “You’re hear for the engagement then?” I nodded. Clearly, Nico’s plans were not entirely top secret.
Once robed up, I flashed my yearly entrance card at the girl in the foyer, before making my way towards the outdoor café in the Abbey grounds to try and be as inconspicuous as possible – well as much as a man wearing frilly lace, white tights, buckles on shoes, triangular feathered hat, an eighteenth century great coat, yards of gold braid and shining brass buttons can be! It was a good spot with a clear view of the planned “Engagement Zone”. I stood and watched. My good friend Ali passed by -she happened to be visiting the Abbey at the same time – and she kindly agreed to take a few photos of the events as they unfolded. We took the obligatory selfie.

We watched carefully. After about ten minutes I was beginning to feel that the Vicky had decided to shun married life with Nico by replying negatively to his question.
Then suddenly, in the distance, there was a flurry of activity.

I could hear and later see a solo violin playing near some steps, joined shortly after by a lone guitarist. The melodious music wafted across the lush green grounds. Then I saw the couple. He was reaching for the ring!!

I said to myself: “This guy will go far! He’s chosen Glastonbury Abbey, arranged some live background music and even booked a Town Crier….this chap has got it well and truly sorted!” Ali felt much the same. The big question was this. When do I advance prior to a Town Crier announcement being made? We waited and watched. Then I saw the smiles, hugs and long passionate embraces – all the clues I needed to step forward and introduce myself to the blissfully happy couple.

It was a delight to be the first to congratulate the newly-engaged couple and to kiss the lucky bride-to-be. I spun round, took a few paces forward, unrolled my scroll, took a deep breath and announced their good news to passing visitors and a professional photographer who had also clearly been hired, to photographically capture the event!

As I said, this chap did it with style!

A rather similar secretive stream of messages and texts between myself and my very good friend, Heidi, preceded my appearance at the Abbey to “Cry” at a 25th Wedding Anniversary party a few months later. Again, I lurked in the grounds of the Abbey until being summoned to spring a surprise on the couple and their guests with a “Proclamation”!

That’s one of the terrific things about being a Town Crier – I’m often able to share in the happiness and joy of others. It’s the best job in the world!